A time to Evaluate…..

Good Afternoon! ūüôā

I hope everyone is off to a great start to the week. ¬†This is not a weight loss post but a homeschooling mom post ūüôā ¬†Just thought I should preface with that. ¬†Something on my heart lately. ¬†I enjoy homeschooling most days ūüėČ or have for most years. ¬†However, as many of you know we moved back to Colorado last summer. ¬†This year I needed something easy for our family so we decided to go the online public school route. ¬†I knew it wouldn’t offer me as much flexibility and creativity as we usually enjoy in our home school but thought it would be a great fit with adjusting back to living in Colorado to have less planning. ¬†In many ways it has been a big blessing. ¬†I was able to have free curriculum when money has been tight from moving, I haven’t had to plan very much, and I feel my children have great teacher resources. ¬†I am in NO WAY saying the cirriculam doesn’t try to¬†work and that it can’t be a blessing. ¬†However, as this year has gone on I have felt stressed and find our family not enjoying school. ¬†We homeschool for many reasons, however one thing I love about homeschooling is it allows me to help our children foster a love for learning. ¬†Learning can be fun and busy work is not needed. ¬†This of course is not the case with online public school. ¬†I also personally like a biblical based cirriculam where our children can learn about Jesus and apologetics and I can add in resources that are a good fit for my children along the way. ¬†I enjoy having the freedom and flexibity in our cirriculam to spend more or less time on something as needed. ¬†I am type A personality by nature so if we miss a day of lessons on online academy I feel very behind and find it overwhelming for my personality.

I know this is a huge a back story, however my point to writing all this is to encourage anyone struggling with something in their home school routine. ¬†If you feel something is stealing your joy you can and should change it. ¬†I don’t want to be THAT MOM who is constantly stressed and misses the blessings and some of the “whys” of why I homeschool. ¬†Let’s be real –some days ¬†with homeschooling and being a mom in general it WILL NOT be fun and our joy can be lost. ¬†However, if that is becoming a pattern for you like it has me maybe it is time to evaluate and change. ¬†Sidenote, does anyone else notice that sometimes when God is showing you something about your joy and outreach in one area (for me at the time homeschooling) he is showing so much more about how this relates to other things in my life? ¬†I think it is awesome when that is the case ūüôā ¬†On that note, it’s a beautiful spring day here in the High Rockies. ¬†I hope everyone is enjoying and embracing today and finding time to get outdoors. ¬†ūüôā

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The outpouring of the heart…

I will head this off with a warning….This post ¬†is nothing based on weigh loss specifically though I did apply some of this through my journey and will bring it together at the end of this post. ¬†I have something on my heart and kind where God has been taking me personally. ¬†In proverbs 4:23 it says “Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. ¬†In the new testament there is also TONS on the heart. ¬†For example, Romans 12:8 says “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others have fulfilled the law.” Jesus and Paul both talked a lot about our hearts and guarding our hearts as well as truly loving others. ¬†This past few years God has been showing me how important it is truly be pure with what flows from our hearts. For example, I think about with my marriage. I don’t want to love my husband based upon a list of things to do, yet I want to truly love him and connect with him on a heart level and I want him to do the same. ¬†If not then we don’t have a true marriage. ¬†I don’t want my children just to follow my rules because I say they need to. I want love for Jesus and others to be in their hearts and the reason they choose to do things. ¬†I don’t want to raise children who know my rules but have never had any heart behind it, because then they are following a “plan” and that’s what keeps them on the right track so to speak. (DISCLAIMER : I ¬†do know when you are a parent sometimes we have to make boundaries and pray our children’s heart follows. ¬†I know part of the job of parenting is to establish boundaries for your children to follow, however I hope to show my children the heart and why behind these boundaries and rules ) I personally don’t want to do things just because I need to check them off my list. ¬†Look this may be controversal but I think a ¬†HUGE problem with “american christianity” is so many times we look at things as boxes to check off with no heart behind why we are doing things. ¬†We look to do things to get it checked off our list with no true heart behind it. ¬†Look, I know we are all human and at times we know we just have to do things and we have to be willing to die to self and know that the heart will follow. ¬†However, I DO NOT want that to be my life verse and song. ¬†I want to love others truly because God first loved me. ¬†I want to build community because I love people. ¬†I ¬†want people to know I’m real and make mistakes and ¬†I screw up but my heart is pure. ¬† I am so thankful for a savior who loves me and bestows grace and mercy upon me, yet I pray daily to have my heart transformed to love people BIGGER and MORE. ¬†Look people MATTER!! ¬†We have such an awesome Lord who loves us and when we truly can grasp that as much as our humans minds can we truly want to love others. ¬†I have known religion and of God my whole life but my faith truly didn’t really start becoming my own till my 20s when I truly started developing relationship and seeing Jesus and his truths for myself, not as a box of something I had always known. Once I truly had the heart to seek him and make my relationship with him truly my own I really started knowing him and his heart.

With my weight struggles before ¬†I had success I ¬†always looked at my weight and issues as something to check off. Yes, I needed to lose weight and get healthy but truly for a long ¬†time I had no heart behind my motives to truly take action and get healthy. ¬†I would try something with no heart behind it and it may work short-term or whatever but I wouldn’t stick with it. ¬†My heart wasn’t in it. It was not till I truly put my heart into wanting to get healthy and change my lifestyle ¬†I had true transformation to make my weight loss journey happen. ¬†NOT just the idea of it but truly wanting to change and willing to put in the effort. ( Yes, even with our heart in things we have to put in effort it just changes the attitude we have behind the effort and usually makes our effort truly a 100% effort) ¬†I ¬†honestly ¬†had to get to this point in my relationship with The Lord and my marriage as well. ¬†Things never really changed till I changed my heart and I was ready to take action.

My burden and desire is to truly have a HEART to love others, put in effort for things that matter, and not look at things in my life as just boxes to check off.  When I have looked at things and people as boxes to checkРand oh have I with so many things at different times of my life, it either made be give up or made me biter. May we truly have the heart to put in the effort to love people and make effort and heart change for the things that matter to us.  It is WORTH IT!