Trapped in survival mode….

I should preface this post and let you guys know its highly personal to my life circumstances but after talking to numerous women I know the way I was feeling isn’t that uncommon.  I should also add some of these post will be hard to write, but as I said, I want to help people if I can, and please note there is NO WAY I can share all the details of the events in blog post.  You will get a general overview of my specific situation.

I had the normal life or so I thought.  Yes, we struggled sometimes.  We fought sometimes, but at the end of the day I had a healthy family, who loved The Lord and loved each other.  I loved my children fiercely and thought I was loving my husband.  We were surviving, but is that the life I really wanted? What that truly all I was called to do?  I was clearly stuck in survival mode!!  For years before I started getting serious about loosing weight, I had tried numerous eating and exercise  plans, and had well meaning people tell me what they thought may help.  They would never really work for a few reasons–

1-  I would try ((sometimes)) their ideas but never stuck to them.  At the time i really couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stick to any of the suggestions.  I mean I wanted to loose weight I really did (but truth be told I didn’t always want to put in the effort and sometimes I was just overwhelmed.

2-  I also wasn’t putting myself and my health as something super important.  It was about me and I didn’t have time to invest in me and be “selfish” so it could wait ((I will address this misconception later))

However, after a time of praying and some life circumstances, which included a move to Georgia, I realized my life was kind of crazy. I was literally stuck in survival mode.  My whole world revolved around my children.  Please understand I LOVE my children dearly, but their needs, wants, and preferences. came before EVERYTHING in our family. Please note I realize children take lots of time and they should.  I’m not suggesting not meeting their needs as I believe that’s part of our calling as moms and I know raising children takes work—lots and lots of work but the rewards and joys are also great.  I homeschool so I am with my children 95% of the time and I wouldn’t change it but the order of my life  and my thinking had to change.   My husband worked a lot and I was at home with my children so naturally I was attached to them. I think as moms we all struggle with this however I became so attached to them I LOST myself! My husband has a high stress job that he excels at but  for years he couldn’t be very involved so I just retreated to my children.  I no longer could think of myself as much of anything but a mom. This made me depressed without even realizing it.  My husband was gone a lot and I was home a lot so I just sucked myself into my children.  ((Please note I think being a mom is a WONDERFUL thing and a gift and children are most certainly a gift from The Lord, but I was WAYYYY out of balance) ) Sure, I thought I was a good wife, but the truth is my husband and I never dated, and while we got along just fine as roommates, we were just that, roommates. I thought a good marriage was equal to not arguing with my husband and being able to get along.  That’s what the world tells us right?  As life gets busy and our marriage goes on we just sort of evolve and its quite “normal”.  I mean no one has time to take time for marriage.  It takes work and it is just what is it.  Sure, that may be what the traditional american marriage is and how our culture views marriage, but its deception, and a LIE!  Marriage is meant to be treasured and enjoyed!  Please note I’m not saying marriage is a fairytale.  It isn’t and it takes work but I believe it should and can be one of our most treasured relationships and I can honestly say that when your marriage is in the right priority that life and your family run smoother, because its the way God intends it to run.

So once I realized I was more of a robot than a person and through the prompting of The Lord that I needed to take my marriage seriously I started getting nudges in my heart to get serious about my marriage, then after a season of that and becoming a true wife again God started working on my heart about my weight and health…..That’s where the weight loss journey begins to shape in effect in december of 2013—-stay tuned tomorrow as I start sharing how God changed my heart to get serious about my weight and health and why this time would be prove to be different.

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One thought on “Trapped in survival mode….

  1. and please note there is NO WAY I can share all the details of the events in blog post. You will get a general overview of my specific situation.

    You will be surprised what you will feel compelled to share as your blog grows. Those are the things that will mean the most to those who read, those little slices of life that will cause them to say, “I thought it was only me.” Sharing your heart will become more important than hiding your shame. I’m not saying you should feel shame, but it is typical that we do and we don’t want to open our shame up to others. We don’t want to talk about how it affected our children, our spouse and our marriage but those things are what really became the prime motivator for change. Sure, if someone tells you that you are going to die of heart disease prematurely you want to do something about it, but you want to do that something because of how you feel your death will impact those that care about you, not just to prolong your life for your own selfish reason. I mean, no one wants to die, but then again, who bothers to live a healthier life for that selfish reason. It’s also how our health limits the quality of life of those around us that saddens our heart and often motivates us when the selfish reason won’t.

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